match--less!

Up to now I have spoke of the on-line dangers to children.. but adults we are not safe out there(here) either.. Particularly we are not safe if we are out here on one of the many "on-line dating sites". I speak of this from experience.

As some of you may know I am divorced. Like my profile says , not by choice but by design. I was married once. I had a nice house, 2 children, a dog, 2 cars.. white picket fence--flowers in the yard, yep.. the whole big ball of wax dreams.

Then one day I was told my husband was seen with another woman. I questioned him.. he said it was nothing..they were just friends! He was helping her out because her husband traveled alot! Stupidly I believed him.. I knew the woman..I didn't care for her all that much..but I knew she was alone and had 2 children..so I let it go! Then I heard another report.. this time I didn't ask. Then I accidentally saw the credit card bill and questioned him on some of the purchases. He got angry and told me he could spend his money on what ever he chose since he earned it. I knew then .. that what I had heard was probably true. But I had no nerve,,no spine at the time and two children to raise. I chose to ignore the situation.and eventually the woman (and her husband and 2 children moved away from our little Texas town. I thanked the gods.. and my husband returned to his old state of being.. or at least i thought he had. This was about the time the Internet was blossoming.. computers were moving away from work tools and entering homes as personal devices. We were higher income and could afford one.. so he bought one "to help the kids". I didn't think anything of it. I didn't use it much.. I had so many other things to do.. I schooled children, shuffled them back and forth to soccer, music..friends,etc..I had housework, cooking, cleaning, no time for this Internet thing. My husband spent allot of time on the computer. "researching things for work" he said".

One day I finally had some free time and decided to see how the thing worked. Now I really am not an idiot. I am well educated, I made it through college on my own therefore I had no trouble figuring a computer out. But what I found surprised me. There were several emails from ladies (including the one who had moved) addressed to my husband. Now honestly,..this did not surprise me.. what surprised me was the conversations. My husband was a different person in each of the conversations. Bragging about his different talents, his taste in wine, cars, countries he visited...the city in which he lived, his children he did or did not have, the friends he knew..all lies, half truths, deceitful manipulations of people and women. I was shocked.. I thought I knew this man I married..the father of my children.. who was this person? I didn't have any idea what to do.. it actually scared me.. I didn't even know if I would dare confront him! I read a little more.. I played with the computer a little more-- i discovered the Porn sites, the meetings arranged.. it was a nightmare out of a horror flick.

When he came home that night, I could not look at him but at the same time.. I stared at him.. who was he? I knew at that moment i had to get away from him.. and i had to get my children away. That night as i went to bed, he went to the computer. the next morning as he went to work.. i went to the attorney. As he worked his day at the hospital.. I packed my childrens and my belongings. As he drove home from work, I drove away from the house with my children.

The next two years were hell.. the divorce was hell, i could not tell my children what I had discovered,, Yet I was afraid for them to be alone with him. When the divorce was final, I got custody of both children Actually he didn't fight me too hard on the custody issue, they were kind of a nuisance in his new found life on-line. At the end of it all, I left to start a new life here in Tennessee. Still bitter, still amazed, still distrusting.. I mean how could you trust anyone after the one person you thoguht you knew better than anyone else .. was not who you thought! .

And I think of those women on-line. they have no idea who there are talking to. They are believing his stories, his lies. his deceit! They don't know any better. The picture looks good.. the money he makes looks good, he is a sweet talker. he is living out a life in a fantasy world where he can be anyone he wants to be and no one checks, no one monitors him. I am not sure what his thinking is. Does he think he is making people happy ? or just himself? Are these women being drawn in and then emotionally played with? It is all so creepy when you think about it ! And i wish he was the only one.. but he is not. i have met another woman who found her husband doing the same thing! He actually would go on trips with them! yes, she is also divorced now.

Is this a male thing.. no.. i don't believe it is. I had a guy friend who said he heard that actually the on-line dating sites are a great source for hookers now.. they fantasy play on-line then meet and act out the fantasy. Geez-- even the innocence of the on-line want ads "CRaigslist" has been marred by leering predators and Killers. !

I am not saying that there has not always.been a way for these people to seek out their prey.. but has not the Internet made it easier?

I always will wonder if that one woman back in Texas somehow instigated this whole thing with my husband. If that one affair brought forth that fantasy land with him. if i had stopped it, questioned it, patrolled it, put an end to it when i first found out.. would it have made a difference? Did letting him get away with it once-- open the door to letting him do it again?

Yes--in case you are wondering-- that is the woman I ran into here in Knoxville..on-line perpetuating her own fantasy .. thus my reaction to her. Quite possibly she was a victim too-- I know she was my victim for a short while. On-line made it easy for me to stalk her information down and confront her. So much easier than face to face. I probably would not have done it face to face! I too got to act out my fantasy of revenge.. till i realised what i was doing! I fell into the trap too!

So what i am warning everyone.. Children, Women, Men-- dang do not live out your lives on here. Do not live out your fantasies. Do not believe everything you read, do not believe the person is who they say they are.. Check them out, police them.. ask revealing questions, and by god.. if you are on-line dating.. meet them only in public places,, do not start with drinking in a bar.. ask for Id.. DO YOUR HOMEWORK! the person on the other end of this invisible world wide web.. may be the last person you ever see , talk to or take advice from if you are not careful.

Jaded on Technology.. yes-- but only from experience! its a great place to pick up history, a word definition, a spelling, but not a person or a belief.